Out of Sight, On My Mind
by PrincessBacon
Summary: Kendall's happy for James. He really, really is. It's just that he doesn't want James to leave their little town behind, no matter how much glitter, shine, and temptation LA holds. He doesn't want James to leave him behind. AU.


**Title:** Out of Sight (On My Mind)

**Summary:** Kendall's happy for James. He really, really 's just that he doesn't want James to leave their little town behind, no matter how much glitter, shine, and temptation LA holds. He doesn't want James to leave _him_ behind. AU.

**Author's Notes:** AU in which James does get the record deal from Gustavo. Vaguely inspired by the fact that I'm going off to college and leaving friends behind. Writing this helped me get through my own emotions.

/

James is running frantic around his room, muttering under his breath, while he double and triple checks his suitcases. He's absolutely sure that he's forgotten something and he can't be convinced otherwise.

"They have stores in LA, you know," Kendall says, laughing at his best friend's antics.

"Not for things that can't be replaced," James replies, counting his hair care products one, two, three times to make sure they're all there. "Imagine if I left a half-used bottle of 'Cuda behind. You can't waste that stuff, Kendall."

As he bolts off to make sure all of the 'Cuda bottles have been securely moved from the bathroom and into the suitcase, Kendall plops himself down on James' bed. He looks around, eyes scanning the bright flashy posters advertising the gorgeous, talented, _famous_ people that James admires so much. The gorgeous, talented, _famous_ people that he's leaving his best friends for, Kendall thinks, but he shoots it down immediately.

He's happy for James. He really, really is. Kendall is happiest when his best friends are happy. It's just that he doesn't want James to leave their little town behind, no matter how much glitter, shine, and temptation LA holds. He doesn't want James to leave _him_ behind.

"The 'Cuda is safe!" James loudly proclaims, bursting back into the room. "I found this bottle hiding behind some hairspray. Good thing I went back and…"

His voice fades when he notices Kendall's expression. "You okay?" Kendall nods, not meeting the other boy's eyes.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"You sure?" Kendall nods again, staring at his hands which are clasped tightly together in his lap. James sits down next to him, putting an arm around his shoulders and Kendall pretends like he doesn't feel it throughout his whole body, like James' touch doesn't set his nerves on fire, like he doesn't wish they could be something more. Because there's no point in wishing. James is going away, far away, and he's going to meet people who are beautiful and spectacular and not Kendall. And maybe he'll come back to visit, but plain, simple, plaid-wearing Kendall won't compare to the glitz and glam of Hollywood.

"I don't want you to leave," Kendall says finally.

"I- this is my dream," James says, but there's almost a sad note to his voice.

Kendall thinks, that if he asked James to stay, then maybe he would. And then maybe James could continue signing loud and clear to the radio in Kendall's bedroom, his voice free and raw and perfect. He could continue singing to that radio and Kendall could continue pretending he's singing for him and to him, and maybe he's being a little selfish, but he's suddenly overwhelmed with the fact that James isn't going to be here tomorrow. And he's not sure how to handle that.

As much as the guys need him, Kendall's not sure he could survive too long without them either. And he's starting the think that he needs James more than James needs him.

Except maybe not because James breaks the silence by admitting that he's scared. His voice is soft and vulnerable and this is the side of James that he always tries to keep covered up. This is the side that is hidden from everyone except Kendall and sometimes Carlos and Logan.

"What if I'm not good enough? What if I get out there and they send me back home? I want this more than anything, Kendall." James' voice is rising and his gaze is fixed on the floor and all Kendall wants is to look into those eyes and tell him that there's nothing to worry about, that everything is going to be alright. But he can't promise that.

What he can say is, "You're going to be brilliant". Because he will be. Whatever the management says, whatever the label decides, Kendall has never doubted James' talent.

"But what if I'm not?" Kendall hears the crack in his voice, hears his walls breaking down, as James finally meets his gaze. His hazel eyes are wide and glossy and they leave him exposed. Kendall can see right through them, can see how much the idea of failure truly scares him, can see his nerves running wild, spinning and flipping and whirling around.

"Then you come back to us," Kendall says, resting a hand on the other boy's thigh, "and you keep trying." He pauses, studying James' face, the curve of his lips, the flutter of his eyelids, the smoothness of his skin, anything, everything, because who knows when he'll get the chance again.

"Opportunities like this come once in a lifetime. You can do it." He watches as James eyes lighten up, as his lips curl slightly upwards, as his shoulders release just a pinch of tension. They're the same words that Kendall used at James' audition, the same words that gave him the confidence to get onto that stage and let his passion soar, the same words that are taking him hundreds of miles away, out of sight, but not out of mind.

They're silent for a while, lost in their own thoughts, but it's comfortable, warm, familiar. Kendall can feel the body heat radiating off of James and he likes that, craves it even. In fact, he thinks he'd be content to wave a magic wand and be frozen in this moment forever.

"Aren't you going to bring that?" Kendall says suddenly, noticing the picture on James' nightstand. It's of the four of them, right after their team won the pee wee hockey championship. Kendall and James are in the middle, their smiles radiant, and they all have their arms wrapped around each other, the proudest eight year olds the world has ever seen.

They almost didn't win. The game was tied and the clock was ticking away. Eleven, ten, nine. James had the puck and he was skating towards the net as fast as his legs could carry him. Eight, seven, six. Kendall was open, but he knew James liked to take the shots for himself. Didn't stop him from waving his arms back and forth, trying to catch the other boy's attention. Five, four. The puck came speeding towards Kendall, who stopped it with his stick, three, aimed, two, and scored.

James gets up and wordlessly tucks the picture into his suitcase. He looks over at Kendall and smiles, almost sadly.

"Don't forget me," he says. Kendall doesn't think that there is any possibility in any universe ever that he could forget James Diamond.

"Don't forget us," he replies and suddenly James' arms are around him and they're hugging and it's getting tighter and it's not ending. He can feel James' head resting on his shoulder, can feel James' hands on his back and he's changed his mind. _This_ is the moment he wants to be frozen in forever. James starts to loosen his grip and Kendall holds him closer and it isn't even about being in love anymore. It's about that fact that James has been there for him since the beginning. It's about the fact that they've won hockey games together, conquered school together, and gotten sent to the principal's office together. Kendall can't remember a time when James didn't have his back and he can't remember a time when he wasn't there to support his friend. It's all kind of coming to an end. He has to fight back tears because he's Kendall Knight and Kendall Knight doesn't cry.

"Good luck," he says when they finally break the embrace. "And stay in touch."

"I will," James promises. "Pinky swear."

James grabs Kendall's jacket off of the bed and hands it to him, the two of them sharing one last smile before Kendall turns and walks away. He doesn't look back. He _can't _look back. If he looks back he'll do something drastic, like grab James' face and kiss him fiercely, desperately, longingly.

So he walks home alone, hood over his head, fingers itching to text James, to say that he misses him, that he doesn't want him to leave, that he loves him. Instead he sends, "_Let me know when you get there. You can do this._"

/

Kendall wakes up to one missed text message from James.

_"About to board the plane. I miss you."_

_"I miss you too."_


End file.
